Reflection

           This past Shabbat, I was walking to the synagogue with my adopted family. We were talking about the fact that I am going home (tonight!) and my adopted father turned to me and said that aside from making sure I relax, this trip home would be a great time for me to reflect on my journey so far.

           I have thought about his statement, and its true, this is the perfect time to reflect on what I have gone through the past 7 months because yesterday I officially finished with my basic training and am about to have a two week leave in the U.S.

          I have left the country of my birth where I had a perfect life to a kibbutz in Israel's beautiful but embattled southern region, joined the IDF as a combat soldier in an intense unit and slowly begin to integrate myself into Israeli society.

          Here are my reflections so far:
          1. Strengths/Weaknesses: I love rising to the challenge. The physical workouts, sprints, living in the field, e.t.c spur me to work hard. The more shitty the conditions are, the more I am pushed to give my all and I have found that I have reservoirs of strength I never knew about. I am competitive and I view the hard times simply as a competition; this gives me the strength to overcome whatever we are going through. What gets me down is the social aspect of the army- the complaining, the unmotivated soldiers, the childish/selfish behavior of my fellow soldiers. This, therefore, is my challenge: finding a way to take my strength when it comes to the physical aspects of the army and applying it to the social side.

         2. Zionism/Motivation: Every lone soldier blog I read and everyone I talked with before doing the army told me that I would lose my motivation, that once in the army I would be "Shavuz:, an Israeli slang term for army depression, that my starry-eyed Zionism wouldn't last. I have not found that to be the case. I am still motivated and love this country with every fiber of my being. What is true is that I have been exposed to the reality of life in this country and in the IDF. Like any normal relationship, my expectations have been tempered by reality. But after moving here and being in the IDF, and seeing the valleys of life here, I am more convinced than ever of how right my decision was. I have no regrets and am proud of my decision.

        3. Time: Easily the greatest enemy of every soldier. The hardest aspect of the army BY FAR to adjust to. The fact of someone else controlling your life down to the second, and I literally mean to the second, is not easy for a college graduate to get used to. The other aspect of time that is so hard to deal with is just how slowly or quickly it goes by. A four hour shift of guard duty. Ten minutes to set up an entire shooting range with full gear on. Eight hours of sitting in classrooms and being expected to remember all the material. Four minutes to change from dress uniform to normal uniform. Failing to meet the order and so three and a half minutes to get back into dress uniform and then do it all over again. 35 minutes for meals, only an hour each day to shower, organize your stuff, call people, and eat non-army food. Time that is not yours, but the army's- this is the hardest part of the army. But I will say this. After being in the army, you truly value just how precious time is. When I have free time to relax on the kibbutz on Shabbat, I savor every moment. Without being too cheesy, I love G-d that much more for His gift of Shabbat after starting the army, really. For all those who make their own schedule, realize how much it is a luxury and not a given.


      4. Garin/Family: Of course there is no substitute for my family and I can not describe how happy I am that I get to see them in less than 24 hours! But there is no way I could do what I am doing without my Garin and adopted family. Knowing that I have 19 friends who I can call at any time and who will help me without a second thought is such a resource to rely upon. When I have had a long week filled with 18 year old Israelis, to be able to chill with my fellow Americans over beer and junk food, well, its just perfect. I really don't know how lone soldiers deal with the army without the Garin Tzabar framework.

Look out for more updates soon, I have plenty of free time all of a sudden to write.