The Last Update!

Thoughts on Finishing the Army

I hold no regrets.

I do not regret my decision of joining the army, nor the decision to do combat and not even the decision to sign on an additional year of service to serve in the Palchan, the elite demolition and combat engineering company of the Nachal brigade.

            Very few people can say at a young age that they set themselves an overarching goal, devoted themselves to it and then achieved and surpassed their goal. After spending a year abroad here between high school and college in 2008, I told myself that one day I would make aliyah to Israel and join the army like every other Israeli. I didn’t lose sight of that goal when I was in college. Over the past three years I was able to immigrate to my homeland, learn the language, build myself mentally and physically, and as cliché as it sounds, defend my people and our independence. I served in an elite unit in the army, made incredibly close bonds with my army buddies who are now my brothers, and somewhere along the path turned into an Israeli. I could not have wished for a better realization of my dream.

I honestly hold no regrets. Joining the army was easily the best decision I ever made.

           

I appreciate all the lessons I learnt in the army.

I am not referring to the material learnt in the army, though that was interesting in of itself. I mean that the army is a place where you delve into yourself and learn what you are made of. What are your limits, how you interact with others, how you function under stress, and do you back up your words with actions? The army is the place where these questions are answered, sometimes unmercifully.

Another lesson that the army has taught me is that happiness is only bought with pain. Success is only reached through failure. The more you suffer and sacrifice for something, the more you own and love it. There is a highway, highway 77, which runs from the Poriya medical center on the Sea of Galilee west towards the ancient Jewish village of Tsippori and the modern highway junction called Tzomet HaMobil. We had a full week of solo navigation from that medical center to the junction. No help, just being plopped down in the middle of nowhere and being told to navigate to certain points within time limits. No help except for the starlight, moonlight, and memorizing the route you learnt on the map during the day. I loved it. Walking and tripping over boulders, getting caught on barbed wire fences enclosing cow pens, slipping in mud and almost being charged by a wild boar wasn’t a pleasure stroll but whenever I pass by that area, an unbidden smile plays about my face as I reminisce of memories of a challenging week successfully completed.

The greatest lesson learnt, though perhaps the most obvious, is the importance of the soldiers around you. I will be forever grateful for having the opportunity to be with my tzevet (team). It is one thing to read of the bonds formed by soldiers through the shared experiences of grueling training and long deployments and quite another thing to experience it yourself. The average combat soldier’s training takes eight months. He or she will learn how to shoot, take cover, fight in concert with his/her group and specialize on a certain weapon or army vehicle. My training took a year and two months. In addition to learning what every combat soldier learns, we take a two month engineering and demolition course, learn navigation, anti-terror shooting, fighting in shrubbery, urban warfare and more.

For that entire period you are together with your team, tzevet, and spend every waking hour with the same group. The longer training enables, enforces and ensures that you form unbelievably close bonds with these guys. Special forces in my opinion are special not because they are stronger or smarter or quicker than the other guys. We are special because we struggled and cursed and succeeded over a longer period of more intense training.

The condescending cliché of you can’t explain the army to someone who has not experienced it is unfortunately true. Experiencing the crucible of the army with the same group of soldiers for three years forces the development of incredibly deep and formative bonds between us. When we tell each other “I love you bro”, we actually mean it. If the only thing I took away from the army were the friendships I formed with these guys, it would have been worth it.

My Zionism is as strong as ever.

As opposed to many blogs from former lone soldiers would have had me believe, I am still idealistic, unjaded, and a diehard Zionist- perhaps more so than ever. After three and a half years as an Israeli citizen, I have taken off the rose-tinted glasses. I could write on and on about the myriad problems that Israel contains: the never-ending conflict, religious intolerance, Haredim not drafting, the poor school system, the cronyism and corruption, bureaucracy, low salaries, horrifying death toll from car accidents, and so and so forth. I could fill pages about the maddening and illogical way the army is managed and the frustrations a lowly impotent foot soldier feels navigating this cold unfeeling system.

And yet.

And yet after 68 years, Israel is here. I moved here to be part of a Jewish experiment of creating and maintaining sovereignty for the first time in over two thousand years in our ancestral homeland. That motivation still burns strong in me especially when I consider our country today. The country is strong, the people are happy, the economy is booming, unemployment is low, and despite all the challenges Israel is forging ahead. There is a vibrancy and depth here that makes this place the best place for a Jew to live hands down. There is a purpose and meaning that one finds here that I miss when I am in America. I don’t downplay the problems that Israel faces, but I would rather help to solve them here in whatever way I can than to sit on the sidelines.

Cutting the army ID card!

 The unit's slogan: "Go before them like a fire"

  

My tzevet upon beginning our final exercise in our service.

Yitzhar

As I wrote in the last post, my last deployment was in the West Bank. We were responsible for guarding the settlement of Yitzhar. Yitzhar is the northern West Bank, Samaria, near Nablus (Shechem) and it is surrounded by Arab villages from all directions. Its residents- practically all are religious- are known for their radically right-wing views. They do not believe in a fence. The vast majority of the settlement’s population is law abiding, however, there is a small kernel of people who take the law into their own hands. These are the people who chop down Palestinian olive trees when they feel that Israel has betrayed them and in some cases refuse to draft to the army.

I had mixed feelings about the deployment. In terms of ease it was a great deployment. Patrols and very small amounts of guard duty were the norm, the food was fairly good, the views were stunning, the base was wonderful and we had many interesting arrests and operations in and around Nablus. Those arrests were satisfying because I knew I was acting to prevent terror and crime. On the other hand, as I mentioned previously, I didn’t love that I was basically an over-glorified policeman there, whose main purpose was to make sure that the Jewish residents and Arab villagers were not at each other’s throats. Our job is to defend the country and it was hard to have that sense of purpose there in Yitzhar. Compounding the problem was the fact that I had hit a mental wall in my last year. I was mentally exhausted from it all and I felt that I had given enough to the army and yet I was still stuck in the army grind.

Luckily for me, I was only on this deployment for half the normal time due to my being in course Nativ and visiting home. Those two things saved me mentally and left me refreshed for when I came back. Another redeeming factor of this last deployment was that our tzevet was back to full strength. All the guys were in command positions or support staff came back in the last two months and we were all together again for the first time since our draft. It was just a ton of fun to be with the guys and have all the jokes and comradery. After I got back from my trip to the States, the time flew by and I have now reached what is called chapshash. It is a three week period before the official discharge date where you are out of the army but still technically considered a soldier. It is basically given to combat soldiers as a gesture and a way for us to slowly acclimate back to civilian life.

Next post I will sum up my thoughts about the army and the crazy experience of the past three years.

Some pictures of army life within the deployment:

Shana Tovah!!

I would like to apologize to those who depend on this blog to keep up with me. I have been incredibly lax with updating this blog. I apologize for not putting the effort into this blog that it required.

I would like to update everyone. It is now October 2nd. In less than a month I am done with the army. I have so much to update everyone about that I do not know where to start.

In terms of time: In May-June, I was in Course Nativ. It an army run course that teaches soldiers about Judaism and Zionism for seven weeks. It is meant for halachically non-Jewish soldiers that would potentially be interested in conversion. After this course, they can continue on to seminars where they decide to convert or not. Being Jewish, I was eligible for the course since I am considered a new immigrant to Israel. It was a wonderful time. I was in Jerusalem with great new friends, got a two month break from patrols and guard duties etc, and learnt a lot. I think I learnt more from conversations with my fellow soldiers than from my teachers. I had one or two teachers who were simply wonderful and engaging. All in all, I had a good time there.

After Nativ, I took my final month vacation that lone soldiers get to visit back home in America for July-August. I took a certificate test that will let me work in my mother's field of work.

Since then, I have been back in Israel and in the army. We finished our last deployment in the West Bank and now is the time period of the chagim. Once I am finished with the holidays, I am done.

I promise to write a longer essay about what I have done the past four months and about my feelings as I get out of the army and finish up three years of an singular, crazy, exhilarating experience.

May we all be inscribed in the book of life and have only health, happiness, and good things.

Shana Tovah

The End Approaches Ever So Slowly

Hey guys,
It has been awhile.
I finished the deployment up in the Golan. It was such a great period. Thank G-d everything was very quiet and we mainly just hung out without having to deal with any action. Boredom is a good sign if you are a solider.

We are now in "imun", a three month period of refresher training. There have been a lot of changes. We have a new officer. He was actually our commander in basic training and has returned now as an officer. He is great but there is definitely an adjustment period. Also, the makeup of the company has now changed. Now each tzevet that finishes training is absorbed into existing tzevets. This means that my group of guys now has five additional arrivals from August. The tzevet has not gelled together at all because we have been together for two years and four months and the new guys don't get the inside jokes or make-up of the personalities in the tzevet. We'll see how things go.

In terms of practical things that are upcoming: I get off a full week when my parents come for Passover and then G-d willing that course Nativ that I have been dreaming of. A month of half of courses on Judaism and Zionism and of course a relaxed atmosphere!

In terms of my mental state, as I mentioned in the last post. Sometimes, I wont lie, it is very hard for me. I am mentally exhausted of the entire army framework and I just dont have the strength to deal with all of the b.s of the army. It isn't easy when your mind has decided that you have finished with the army and the army hasn't finished with you! At the end of the day, I have no regrets and I will do what it takes to finish my service because that is what I demand of myself. I may be tired, but I know why I am here and what I came to do. That is enough to push me along.

Happy Purim!!

Upcoming Changes

Hey guys.
This deployment has been really great. Thank G-d, the border has been mainly quiet and I have enjoyed hanging out with the guys, reading lots of books, working out and enjoying the incredible beauty of the Golan Heights.

I won't lie, sometimes, I got army depressed as the long boring days slipped into a routine. Sometimes I felt that I have had enough and its time to get out of here; all of my friends are getting married and working and here I am stuck in a rut. But most days I am glad that I have the ability to wear my uniform with pride, doing what I know is right and what is needed.

Soon, G-d willing, I will start three months of training. Afterwards will be my last deployment. I am approaching the home stretch. The years have turned into months and I won't lie by saying that I am looking forward eagerly to civilian life.

Nate

Quick update

I am enjoying my deployment at the moment. The guys are good and I'm having fun. Nothing else is so new. A lot of people from my Garin are getting out of the army which is slightly depressing but awesome (at least for them).

אין לי ארץ אחרת גם אם אדמתי בוערת

Disclaimer: I usually use this blog just as a way to send quick updates to friends and family on my whereabouts and what I am up to. But this post is going to be political, something that I try to avoid in general but the past few weeks have gotten me so frustrated that I feel bottled up and this blog post is one way to let off the steam.

I'm frustrated. Over the past two weeks, my county has been subjected to a terror wave of car rammings, stabbing sprees, and shootings. People are dying simply because they are Jews. Forget occupation, economic grievances, and even the latest excuse of the rumor of Jewish prayer being allowed on the temple mount (as if it isn't already a disgrace that Jews aren't allowed on our holiest site so as to not offend Muslim sensibilities!). This is simply the latest episode of the Palestinian/ wider Arab world's inability to accept a Jewish presence in the Jewish homeland. It's part and parcel of the over one hundred year long conflict. But that isn't why I'm frustrated.

I'm furious over the misreporting and incredibly biased coverage of the world media. Coverage that portrays policemen defending themselves as aggressors. The media that in general does it's absolute best to portray Palestinians as perpetual victims- the same western condescension that views "Orientals" as subjects and not as actors responsible for the consequences of their own actions. But this flawed media coverage is nothing new and it's not why I'm angry.

I feel useless. I'm stationed up north watching another county tear itself apart in an endless civil war while I can't help out my fellow citizens in their own war. I feel useless as I worry about my friends and family as they go about their daily lives. But Israelis have always worried from the war of independence to the current day and my feeling of uselessness isn't why I'm frustrated.

I'm frustrated because when I made aliyah, I did so because of one overarching reason: only in Israel are Jews the masters of our own fate. Here in the experiment of Jewish sovereignty, we would shoulder the burdens of government, defence, etc and formulate policies. For the first time, however I feel frustrated because I feel that we all- from left wing to right wing- have nothing to say. There are no solutions or creative vision. What are we supposed to do to stop this terror?

The right and left throw out the old tired slogans but my hunch is that underneath all of the talk is a weary acceptance, or resignation to the current state of affairs. That's because there isn't anything to do- of course I don't mean that there aren't drastic security measures or policies we could take- I mean that I feel there is nothing we Jews can do as a sovereign state to change the fact that the Palestinian/wider Arab world reject Israel on principle. Therefore the reason I made aliyah, namely Jews being the masters of their own fate and solving their own problems, has been taken away from me. This is one problem that is out of our hands- we can't force their world to accept our sovereignty. Acceptance must come from within, it can't be forced upon ppl externally. And this is why I'm frustrated.

But just as I've written before about how the army is about coming to a middle ground between idealized expectations and reality; so too is aliyah. Just because there are problems that we can't solve doesn't mean we give up. I still have no regrets about moving here. I still feel -know- that Israel is the Jewish homeland, that Israel is the Jewish people's future and that a brighter future awaits us. I feel-know- that there is a vitality to life here, perhaps because of the uncertainty, and that living amongst one's people as a majority is simply more liberating than living as a minority, no matter how well integrated or protected.

So what to do? Fight against the terrorists while not losing our Jewish values and humanity. Work to make the country secure from attacks from within and without but also work to make it a better country. One with good economic opportunities, less racism, increased appreciation of our Jewish heritage, less cynicism and critique and more open to appreciating the great things this country does and offer.

As the title of this post states (taken from the famous Ehud Manor song) "I have no other land, even if my land is burning".

Hoping for quiet and peace.
Nathan

Back to Kav

Hey everyone,

I returned from my trip to the States on September 8th. I rejoined my guys in the Golan Heights and jumped right into the routine. This kav is much different from the previous one in the northern West Bank. There we interacted with the local population and were much more hands on. Here (not supposed to tell you exactly where!) we spend most of our time doing intelligence gathering. It is way more boring than our previous kav. I am okay with boring!

I have moved successfully into my new apartment. While I miss the kibbutz, there is something nice about having my own place and having to be an adult: dealing with bills, laundry, and groceries. At the beginning of my army service, I was happy to have the kibbutz as a crutch to avoid doing this stuff. But now as I am more settled, I actually enjoy it. I know, give it some time.

We are now in the middle of the holiday season and there is truly no place like Israel to be for it.

Until next time,
Nate

NY

I just returned from a absolutely wonderful trip to NY. I spent time in Washington heights, the upper west side, the Einstein campus in the Bronx, and Westchester. I saw a bunch of friends from high school, college and of course family. It was great- though a very poignant reminder of all that I left behind when I made aliyah and joined the army. As I have written in this forum before, I don't miss America the country as much as I expected to, but I miss the friends and family terribly.

On Shabbat, I was in Einstein visiting a friend whose spouse is a student there. I was a biology major in Yeshiva University and as many YU pre-med students are enrolled in Einstein, I saw many of the guys that I studied with. They are third or fourth year students and about to start "real life" as residents. This fact lent a very surreal aspect to the entire weekend because had I taken the MCATS, I could very well have been one of the students there. I completed the same courses, achieved the same grades (more or less), and participated in scientific research in the summers. I really could have been living their lives now. Yet when I return to Israel in two weeks, my life will not be one of studying, tests, and applications but one of patrols, guard shifts, and sweaty uniforms. The contrast is simply vast.

I don't regret my choice, however, for a second. "Real life" will be waiting for me when I finish the army. Until then, I will do my service, and will do it proudly.

America for a month!

Hey everyone. I am writing this post from the great US of A!

I arrived two nights ago after a wonderful stopover in Frankfurt and already feel like I am back to being a citizen. It is funny how quickly one gets used to being a citizen and how slowly it takes one for to accustom oneself to the mindset of a soldier.

I am in America until September 8th and plan on spending time with my parents, dog, and playing lots of sports and biking around. I also am heading into NY next weekend to see friends.

In other news, I transferred all my stuff to my new apartment in givat shmuel before I flew. When I return, I will unpack everything in one go. I am very excited for this new stage.

N